he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
