If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
