I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
