I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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