After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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