Moan for me like Helen Keller
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
