he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
