i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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