3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The struggles of a small town man whore
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
