Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sober January is a disaster.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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