It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
