I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
