I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
