You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
