I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
