Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
