she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize