He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
