im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize