i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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