a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
