Dude my mom stole all your condoms
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize