Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
