Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
