vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
