well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize