She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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