Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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