you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
