remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
