Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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