I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
