last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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