Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
