She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
