After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
