i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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