You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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