So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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