Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
