Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
