I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
