Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
