is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize