I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
