last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
