if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize