I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize