Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
