Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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