Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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