I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
