well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
