I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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