Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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