I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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