im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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