Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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