hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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