well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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