The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
