I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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