he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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