This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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