I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
