i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
