Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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