Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
