please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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