this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
