he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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