a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
