a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
