It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
