I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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