My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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