alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
