Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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