Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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