Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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