we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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