didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
