Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
