just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
