Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
