Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
