Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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