if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
