i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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