I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
