Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
