You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
