update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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