ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
