hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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