fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So much Jack, so little girl.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
