We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
