Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she pinky promised me she was 18
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
