I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
