how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
