SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
