I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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