No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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