I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
