She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
