Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
